


i spent m0st 0f my life d00med

by Fox_Salz



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Gen, The Homestuck Epilogues, only mildly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:47:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23625598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_Salz/pseuds/Fox_Salz
Summary: It's been quite the ride for Aradia.
Kudos: 9
Collections: Genuary 2021





	i spent m0st 0f my life d00med

**Author's Note:**

> Finally get to reveal my piece for the Apocalypse Arizine on tumblr!
> 
> I think it's hard to tell with ao3's font, but the title absolutely has 0's instead of o's.

You remember everything about dying. Every tingle, every shock, every iota of coursing, searing pain. It happened in one little moment, almost immediately from reality’s perspective. But not for you. Maybe because of your aspect or the confusion of what was happening drawing things out or maybe that’s how dying simply is for the victim, but either way one second stretched into minutes that might as well have been sweeps of pain.

Then there was numbness. Worse than the pain, you think. No one knew how to handle you like that. You were so vastly different than the upbeat wiggler always seeking out adventure. How could you ever be that again while dead? While a pawn of Sgrub?

You were privy to what _must_ happen. The steps that had to be taken to ensure an alpha timeline. Everything you did was well calculated and necessary.

Though admittedly you had taken a satisfaction in attacking Vriska. You’d felt nothing for so long that the sudden rage was overwhelming and so _liberating_. Truthfully you had relished every punch and drop of cerulean blood spilled in a way you never had during your FLARPing days. It had never been about the violence, back then. In that moment, however, you’d given in to a rage you hadn’t even realized was simmering below the surface, just waiting to explode out of you.

Your only regret is that you don’t get to do it again.

Not that you’re holding any grudges. Mostly.

Maybe just a tiny bit.

But there’s much more to focus on! Like _life_.

It feels unbelievably good to be alive again. _Phenomenal_. As a ghost then later as a ghost possessing a robot, it felt as though you’d forgotten how to smile. Like you might be incapable of ever forming one again. Yet here you are, mouth so wide it hurts in a victorious sort of pain. You never plan on stopping. Even as you roam through paradox space, hopping from dream bubble to dream bubble, seeing all the dead faces of your friends or different selves, it stays in place. There’s an unwavering joy in your pusher that radiates through you in the face of everything that’s been and will be.

Except.

It only wavers for a moment. You can’t help it. The horror happening in front of you is...confusing. Repulsive. A sign of so much more to happen, this time that you have no idea how it should play out. All around it’s unnerving. Still, you plaster back on your grin before that moment of uncertainty is perceptible. You are glad Sollux cannot see what’s happening. You don’t blame him for not following the cherub, as well. You don’t really think he could handle this vicious scene.

Before you the once human girl who is now a corpse puppet rises. There is so much blood, a brighter red than your own. It makes you think of Karkat.

She howls, knocking your feet from under you and your grin off your face again. You correct both as she stares up at the freshly opened vortex.

Then another vaguely familiar figure is there. Except he is now a robot. It’s a very cool look on him.

Dead Jade flies through the vortex. Part of you is relieved to be away from her, even as you can’t help worrying what she’ll do next. You recall how she called you a lesser being. Hasn’t history continuously shown that only calamity follows that line of thinking? She is reaping something, that much is certain.

Dave asks if you’re coming. Though it is uncomfortable to be around her, it is where the action is. Like you told this cherub, you might be inferior but you have always been so curious. You don’t have to force this smile as you take Dave’s hand and get pulled along into the next stretch of adventure with a mild thought about Sollux; it’s fine, he never had wanted to be a part of any of this.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 4/13 :D


End file.
